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How To Make An Enemy: Deliberately

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You’ve heard this advice before but we can’t repeat it often enough.  You are welcome to make casual friends; you are welcome to make friends casually, almost by happenstance.

But make enemies deliberately.

Make an enemy, or allow the person to go on thinking she is your enemy, only after careful deliberation.  After careful, deliberate thought, after thinking through what happened and all that could happen.

Make or keep an enemy only after seeing clearly that having that person as your enemy will get you only your good, and will never and can never harm you, your career, those you love and serve, or your mission.

How likely is that?

What is Self-Esteem Anyway?

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I’ve had so many coaching clients ask me what self-esteem is.  Instead of the dictionary definition, I gave them one from my own experience: “you will esteem yourself when you act consistently in a way that you and other persons of quality esteem.”  I think I got pretty close.

I’ve also been thinking a lot lately about plans – good plans, bad plans, failed plans.  What do you think of this definition of self-esteem?  “You will esteem yourself when you have successfully weathered and gotten smarter after the failure of a good number of really fine plans.”

Seems like that one fits the current atmosphere well.  What do you think?

I’m giving a TEDx Talk!

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April 2014:  I just found out I am one of only 15 speakers at the 2014 TEDx in Savannah, GA.  To say I’m thrilled is such an understatement.  My topic?  “How I Learned to Stop Time”. Interesting, huh?  Catch my video!  I’ll post the link as soon as the organizers post it.  Check back here!

The Fastest Way To Lose the Loyalty Of Your Teams

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The fastest way to lose anyone’s loyalty is to break your word.  Related to that, you can lose loyalty by failing to follow though on what the two of you have worked so hard on perfecting.

When was the last time you lost your glasses or your keys?  Maddening, isn’t it?

If I’d Only Used The System

The last time I lost my glasses I found them 15 minutes later in their new holder, exactly where they were supposed to be.  The “me” who doesn’t put things away never thought of following my new system and looking in the holder.  I didn’t follow though.

Message:  Follow-Through Is Everything

When you and others have worked so hard to devise new systems – new sales systems, new customer relationship systems, new team systems – don’t be like me and not follow through.  Keep working until you use them consistently.  Be the model for your team.  Certainly don’t fail to use the systems while you’re expecting everyone else to use them.  You’re the leader (or you’re trying to be).  Please show that you are careful and consistent with systems.

It’s One Way To Lose The Loyalty Of Your Team

Just like when I had a system for my glasses and didn’t use it, I used to ignore some systems at my old engineering firm.  As a Senior Program Manager, I had my little list of reasons:  “I’m too busy…this major sale is heating up and it’s way more important…besides these projects are my responsibility; if my timesheet is a little late, it doesn’t matter, I can keep track…no one notices…”

Except everyone noticed, and the loyalty I counted on from these folks suffered.  They knew I’d made myself exempt from the systems we’d all put in place.

When you are involved in high-stakes, high-risk projects and sales, and need the loyalty of your team, everything counts.  As a matter of fact, even when you’re not involved in those things, everything counts.  Everything.  Counts.

Isn’t it maddening when the managers around you don’t comply with the company systems?  What system do you wish you used more consistently?  Please “comment” and let me know.

Do You Want The Truth or The Consequences?

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Scanning Hulu.com I saw the movie title Truth or Consequences fly by.  It reminds me that there is only ever the truth about something or the consequences.

The Truth?

Does this sound familiar?

The truth is “I could’ve been friendlier with the new employee just now, could have asked about her move here” because the consequence weeks later will be “It’s no wonder she never warmed up to me.  Now she thinks I slight her.  I’m at the bottom of her list.”

The truth is “One day I’ll have hurt my health with all this stress and lousy eating” because the consequence is “I sure hope the doctor can help me.  The last one couldn’t.  Gosh, I better not lose my job ever – – I need the insurance for all these doctor visits.”

Or The Consequences?

Does this sound familiar?

The truth is “I have to find more clients.  Since I hate cold calling, I better work my network today to get a warm introduction to the buyer at Acme Corporation” because the consequence is “I procrastinated too much.  I was too anxious, I didn’t get coaching, and now I’m getting fired.”

There’s only ever the truth or the consequences.

Do you agree?  Please comment and tell me your opinion.

 

Are You Taking a Big Risk? Calculate The Risk. Part 2

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I was watching a movie about gymnasts.  The coach said, “We take risks in gymnastics, but only calculated risks.  We obey the rules, the rules about training and discipline.  Only by obeying the rules can we calculate and choose our risks.”

Selling and business development are like that.

We take calculated risks according to ranking systems, and only by obeying the systems can we calculate the risks.  Selling is not a seat-of-the-pants activity, nor a do-it-differently-every-time activity.

Selling is a process and procedure with systems.  Follow the system, judge the results, decide what to change.  It’s some risk, but it’s more of a calculation.

Do you agree?

 

 

Scary Big Sales: Calculate The Risks. Part 1

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I always thought I was a risk-taker, which was convenient since people in business development and scary big sales have to be risk-takers.  Now I wonder if I am a big risk-taker.

Years ago, during my team’s years-long pursuit of a scary-big multi-million-dollar Air Force contract, I never for one second doubted my firm would win.  I knew I would be fired from my six-figure job if we lost, since I’d spent a large overhead budget and hadn’t billed even one hour of billable time in close to a year.  So you could say it was a scary-big risk.

I wasn’t worried

It was a calculated risk and my calculations showed we would win.  Most importantly, I had good evidence that we knew the client’s deepest real need for the project and our solution was the best in the client’s eyes.  Our engineering team was the strongest.  I had good evidence we had a winning price.  Now all I had to do was rely on the world’s best proposal team, a marvel of quality and team spirit  (thanks, Wayne and Joy).  I knew the risk of that marvelous team letting me down was zero.

The risk was almost zero

I am a risk-taker, but the largest win in my career was low risk, because I had calculated what we had to do to win, and the team made it come true.  Always calculate your risks.  When your risk comes out high, plan and do what it will take to win anyway.  Now your risk is lower.  Go win it.

What Is The Point? Part 2

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I like this morning’s quote about what’s easy.  I like this one even better:  “If it were easy, everyone would be doing it.”

What we do isn’t easy

That’s right.  What we do isn’t easy.  Leadership isn’t easy.  Scary big risks aren’t easy.  But isn’t that one of the reasons we do it?  Not only because it challenges us, but because we honestly believe there is a special talent in us to do this hard thing.

We want to see the thing we do well brought out of us.  We want to see it in action.  We want to rise up with it, and we want to win.  It isn’t easy.  If it were, everyone would be doing it.

Right?

What Is The Point? Part 1

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“If it was easy, what would be the point?”  *

Gosh, I agree.  If it were easy to do what we do, easy to risk, easy to achieve client intimacy, what would be the point after all?

I wish I didn’t agree but I do.  You?

 

*from the movie The Treatment, 2006.

Do You Believe in Willpower? Part 2

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This morning I wrote that I don’t believe in willpower, and I talked about how I form new habits.  Here’s more:

Form new habits however works for you.  Rewards don’t work for me, so if they don’t work for you, don’t think you are broken or weak.

One thing that works

One thing that does help me form new habits is to get more outside myself and get my thoughts off myself.   If I spend more time volunteering or cooking for my husband or writing a letter (yes, we write real letters. It’s uplifting. Try it.) I feel so doggone good, so newly plugged into life, more relaxed, more able, that I find it easier for the rest of that day to practice the new habit’s baby steps.

What helps you form and keep new habits?  Please comment and tell us!  So many tips and techniques our there – what’s your favorite for forming new habits?

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